Emotional intelligence refers to your ability to understand and control your emotions. Once you can understand this process then you can learn to control your own feelings. Understanding and processing thoughts in an unemotional way will assist you in understanding both your own thoughts and those of the people around you. Your emotional intelligence is also having the ability to recognise what others are feeling, what motivates them and feeling compassion for them. An old Indian saying says “Don’t judge me until you have walked many moons in my moccasins”
You need to learn to firstly stop and recognise certain feelings and moods you may be experiencing. To be self-aware we need to stop and break down the barriers and honestly look at our behaviour to certain stimuli. We need to ask ourselves why are we feeling this way and what are we exactly feeling. This process requires you to be truly honest with yourself. This process does need practice, as we tend to “feel” or “react” to feelings rather than think about the situation at hand. To be responsible for creating your own feelings, you need to practice these skills:
1) Recognise your feelings
2) Analyse your feelings
3) Put in place coping mechanisms to assist with dealing with these feelings.
There are several mechanisms for coping:
1) Ask yourself how important is this in the scope of my whole life
2) Avoidance (sometimes possible)
3) Accept what you are feeling are “your feelings”
4) Stop blaming others for your feelings, you do have a choice
5) Taking responsibility for these feelings
6) When you have a negative thought look for the positive side. There is always a positive side
7) Use your feelings to make decisions and then consider all the consequence
8) Try to convert your anger into positive energy to solve the problem
9) Take time to also consider others around you and the impact your feelings are having on them as well
Remember it is much more fun to be positive than negative. Negative people attract negative thoughts. Surround yourself with happy, positive people.